ANFSTD

Three teenagers are in Juvenile Court.  The judge asks the first boy what happened.  The boy replies, "All I did your Honor was break a window, steal a bike, and throw peanuts in the lake."  The second boy says, "All I did your Honor was break a window, steal a bike, and throw peanuts in the lake."  The third boy says, "And all I did your Honor was break a window and steal a bike."  "Did you throw peanuts in the lake?", asks the judge.  The boy replies, "I'm Peanuts."

ANFSTD (And Now For Somthing Totally Different)

Three youths are on trial for theft.  The first one says to the judge, "All I did your honor, was smash a window, steal someone's bike, and throw peanuts in the lake."  The second one says, "All I did was break a window, steal a bike and throw peanuts in the lake."  The third one says, "All I did was smash a window and steal a bike."  "Did you throw peanuts in the lake?", asks the judge.  The kid replies, "I'm Peanuts." 

IOLANTHE, OR THE PEER AND THE PERI

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS!  IF YOU DO NOT WISH TO KNOW THE ENDING AHEAD OF TIME, DON'T PROCEED ANY FURTHER!

Friday night was the first performance of Gilbert and Sullivan's satire of the House of Peers and British law Iolanthe, or The Peer and the Peri.  The cast was small as Iolanthe is not particularly well known among people of my generation.  

I will try to keep this as brief as possible: Years ago, the fairy Iolanthe committed the capital offense of marrying a mortal.  The Fairy Queen was a very close friend of hers, however, so she banished Iolanthe instead on the grounds that Iolanthe never speak to her husband again.  The fairies persuade the Queen to pardon Iolanthe and let her return, which she does.  Iolanthe comes back and reveals that she has a half-fairy, half-mortal hybrid son named Strephon.  He is in love with Phyllis, a ward in the House of Chancery.  She is unaware of his mixed origin.  And to make matters worse, Iolanthe, like all the other fairies, looks like a girl of seventeen.  And to make matters even more worse, Phyllis is also courted by the entire House of Peers.  The Lord Chancellor himself wants Phyllis for his own, so he refuses to let Strephon marry the girl.  Phyllis calls off the engagement when she sees Strephon with his immortally young mother.  But Strephon calls on the fairies to help him and they send him into Parliament and cast a spell making the Peers pass any bills that Strephon may introduce.  

Act 2 opens with guardsman Private Willis singing about politics.  The fairies have fallen in love with the Peers (much to the Queen's chagrin), but it is too late to stop Strephon.  Phyllis finds herself unable to choose which Peer she wants to marry, Lord Tolloller Lord Mountararat.  The two lords find it unbearable as according to family tradition, they must duel to the death if one of them is to marry.  Both renounce Phyllis in the name of friendship.  Meanwhile, the Lord Chancellor has had a sleepless night and finally resolves to marry Phyllis himself.  Finally, Strephon reveals his mixed origin to Phyllis and the two resolve to get married.  Iolanthe welcomes Phyllis as her daughter-in-law, and then reveals that the Lord Chancellor is her husband.  She goes to him and reveals herself to him after twenty-five years, and willingly accepts the death penalty.  But then all the other fairies have married the peers and so all must be put to death.  The Lord Chancellor offers to rewrite the law so that every fairy that does not marry a mortal must die.  The Queen agrees and marries Private Willis (whom she herself has been attracted to).  The mortals all turn into fairies and everyone lives happily ever after.  

The women's chorus looked very young, but then again part of the plot revolves around the fairies looking no older than seventeen. 
 The best gag in the whole performance was this oversize book of the British law which only the Lord Chancellor (played by a small slender baritone), could carry.  Anyone else collapsed under the weight, even a really tall Peer.  In the scene where the Lord Chancellor sings about when her first went to the bar (which means when he first started his legal career), he thrusts the book in Strephon's lap.  When he closed the book it threw up a cloud of dust that made Strephon sneeze (does anyone remember that old chestnut?).  

 I will that that the Queen especially was a little quiet for the role, but was fun nonetheless.  They could have done a better job with the projection in general though. 

There are still three performances left.  If you can, go to the Music Hall in Madison. 

Saudi Arabian Men Exiled For "Being Too Handsome".

Makes about as much sense as a Renegade Dalek Quidditch team, now doesn't it?  

I don't get it either.  My sister brought up the fact that a Saudi Arabian guy, or several guys I should say, were banished from the country for being " too sexy".  And I thought that was limited to a snobbish queen who thought that her step-daughter was besting her at an unofficial beauty contest.  This doesn't make sense.  

There has to be some other reason as to why these guys are being deported.  Are the religiously fanatical law-enforcement guys really worried that the entire female population will turn into squealing fangirls over these guys?  Or is there something else that they don't want to talk about because it will give away what their true motives are? 

My best guess is that there's something else going on that the Powers-That-Be in Saudi Arabia don't want to make public. 

Boston Suspect

Monday saw the Boston Marathon ruined by a series of several bombs going off just as racers reached the finish line.  What kind of sick, twisted moron would do this sort of thing?  Two Chechen guys from the sound of it.  One suspect is dead, the other has been captured.

Chechnya has been a breeding ground for terrorists for quite some time now, and they are quite creative with their methods.  In fact, the Boston bombing is being treated as a terrorism case, as it seems only a terrorist would dream something like this in the first place.  Some time after the bombs went off, two young men were caught on surveillance camera and the police believe they were the ones responsible.  

I wonder what exactly made these two men the prime suspects.  Well, there were hundreds of people in attendance, and in this day and age of the readily available video cameras on cell phones, there were people taking pictures and videos of the race.  Those cameras were going when the bombs went off.  There were also several people who were not watching the race.  Now granted some may have been taking to their friends or family or whoever, but only two seemed to be of note.  Not only that, but the suspects were carrying enormous black backpacks.  I'm not talking the average everyday schoolbag, I'm talking ones that are big enough to carry a pressure cooker without a lid.  No other person was seen with that kind of backpack.   

The men's father is in denial and their uncle is furious.  The father is so sure that his sons have been set up by the Secret Service, whereas the uncle was saying earlier that the men had brought shame to the family and the Chechen people. 
 
My only hope now is that the captured suspect doesn't kill himself before we have the whole story. 

ANFSTD

The ranger at a state park notices that the vultures are behaving very oddly.  He goes to investigate and finds the vultures on top of the body of a dead man.  But instead of eating the corpse, they're giving the man decent burial.  "Why are you doing this?" asks the ranger.   "and the vultures reply, "We were going to; but we found out that he was a lawyer.  It's professional courtesy." 

DRAGNET

Here's an old show that hasn't been around since God-knows-when!  Have you ever heard this phrase before?  "The story you are about to see is true.  The names have been changed to protect the innocent."  Those are the opening lines from the 1960's TV show Dragnet.  Set in Los Angeles California, the show follows the work of Police Sergeant Joe Friday. 

Here are four Episodes:
The LSD Story:  The infamous drug has made it's way into the hands of teenage users.  Sergeant Friday and his colleagues must figure out a way to stop it from getting out of control.  

The Big Explosion:  Someone has burglarized a construction company and made off with a ton of dynamite.  Someone clearly plans to use it, but who?  

The Big Glasses: An elderly woman goes missing.  Her husband claims that she left him, but the testimony of their daughter gives Friday plenty of reason to suspect murder.  

Big September: A beautiful blonde secretary is found murdered, and a man is found a few blocks away behaving suspiciously. 

Few people make cops shows like this anymore.  Why can't we have shows that have cops doing paperwork?  That's what Friday and his colleagues often do.  And much of the show consists of interrogation.  But it's thrilling nonetheless.  And it just goes to show that often a simple story is needed, not like the flashbacks we get in shows like CSI; and there's also not much in the way for of onscreen violence and blood.  The police prefer it that way frankly. 

ANFSTD

A second grade teacher asks her students where their fathers do for a living.  One child says, "My daddy is a doctor."  Another kid says, "My daddy is a firefighter."  One young boy in the class says, "My daddy plays piano in a whore house."  Dead silence.  The teacher goes over to the phone and calls the boy's father.  "Your son just said that you play piano in a whore house," she says indignantly.  "Well," says the boy's father, "I'm really a lawyer, but I figured that would be too embarrassing."

Where Is A Clue-by-Four When You Need One?

There was an article in today's paper about a New Jersey woman who is suing and 11-year-old child of all people after he accidentally hit her with a ball.  He was warming up a pitcher and the ball strayed when he threw it, hitting the woman in the face.  She needed medical attention.  She is now suing the boy for $150,000 in order to pay for her medical expenses.  $150,000!  The boy doesn't have that much money.   
 Read this clip:

   "The lawsuit filed April 24 alleges that the boy's* errant throw was intentional and reckless, 'assaulted and battered' the woman*, and caused 'severe, painful, and permanent' injuries. 
         A second count alleges the boy's actions were negligent and careless through 'engaging in inappropriate physical and/or sporting activities' near the woman.  
         And the woman's husband, in a third count, is suing for the loss of 'services, society, consortium' to his wife.  They've demanded a jury trial." 

What is this woman thinking?  This was an exceedingly rare freak accident, like the batter many years ago who got killed by a fastball.   "The throw was intentional and reckless".  Of course the throw was intentional; but the boy was aiming to warm up his team pitcher.  He was not aiming for the woman.  The ball simply strayed.  Why should this be reason to sue?  Also, the average 11-year-old still doesn't have the best coordination, and so this accusation of the throw being reckless is rather silly. 
        And what was the woman expecting when she went to a Little League baseball game?  Dance?  It's a baseball game.  There's nothing inappropriate about playing on a school baseball team.  Not only are the kids getting exercise, but the kids are learning teamwork.  What does this woman have against that? 
      I'm not even going to try to explain the third set of charges.  However, since the woman's husband is helping with this, he's at fault too.  Allowing his wife to frivolously sue a fifth or sixth grader?  Why doesn't he recognize the lawsuit as undeniably stupid and tell her she's making a mistake.  Neither spouse should help the other do something as vile as this.  The man is not behaving like a proper husband and letting his wife know she's being foolish by suing a child; not only for something the child did not intend to do, but expecting him to pay an obscene amount.  

The lawyer who represents the boy knows that this is appallingly cruel.  He told to newspaper, "I think that it's disgusting that you have people suing an 11-year-old for overthrowing his pitcher in the bullpen." 

Mike Royko wrote of a similar incident in 1996.  The only kind of person who would do this sort of thing is a vengeful, avaricious, and all-around monster.  I sincerely hope that this lawsuit gets rejected immediately.   
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*I have refused to reveal the names of the persons involved.