Monday, December 30, 2019

TMSR: Baseball Fever

Here is the follow-up to my rant about Promsie U. This time I will be talking about a kids musical that I was in when I was ten. It is called Sermon on the Mound and it was the first musical I had done. And of all the musicals aimed at kids under age twelve, this was one of the better ones.
         Sermon was written by Celeste and David T. Clydesdale and centers around the Eagles baseball team. They are finishing up spring training and the regular season starts that afternoon. Commenting on the action are sports casters Dizzy Deano and Jackie Rawlings*. The new rookie is a young man named Mac Wire. He is thrilled to be on a professional baseball team, but struggles with his confidence. As the story progresses he learns about putting on the Armor of God and leaning on Christ as his "Head Coach", and that the ones God chooses for His team are the ones who know they cannot do it on their own.

Unlike Promise U, Sermon on the Mound does a much better job both story-wise and with what it intends to accomplish. There are four reasons why I say this.

1) The songs fit the theme better and are integrated a little bit more.
     I counted at least three story songs in Sermon and they feel like real encouragement and not just empty platitudes. Some like "Playing Right Field" are sung by the characters themselves, others are sung by the chorus. But they are much more integrated into the theme and aren't just preachy. "If the LORD is our Head Coach" is a declaration of trust and "The LORD's Prayer" is sung by both the chorus and the team. They feel like part of the story. "The LORD's Prayer" segues beautifully into the song "Home Run", which is probably the tensest song in the whole show.

2) The characters feel real.
    For example, Mac Wire is excited to be playing his first major season game, but is also dubious as to whether or not he can do it. His character is very well fleshed out and I find him relatable even after eighteen years. The hot dog vendor is the one who gets to sing "Playing Right Field". He is one of the sorts of characters I love to see in a story; the working-class guy at a low-paying job who is very wise and encouraging. We get a few one-off guys like a lady named Ruth Babe and Assistant Coach Goodman. But even there, they're not just throwing platitudes, they still sound like people.

3) Character conversions are treated with respect.
    "Casey Back at Bat" may be one of the most blatant pieces of fan-fiction ever written, but it is also one of the best depictions of a changed life in any of these kids musicals. We learn that Casey's pride was what caused him to strike out not just once but twice, and evidently  his career suffered after that. Eventually he decided enough was enough and accepted Christ, and now he's making a comeback with the Eagles. He's even seen helping his teammate out. This isn't just a case of everything is hunk-dory, but an example of a changed life. And when you're writing Christian musicals for kids, this is absolutely critical.

4) The overall message is well-handled.
    Sermon's main theme is spiritual warfare using the analogy of a baseball game. Sure, the baseball uniform, glove and bat may be curious stand-ins for the Armor of God, but as a visual aid, it's not bad. In fact, Sermon treats the issue of spiritual warfare with surprising respect, and gives us the lesson that the best players are those who know that they cannot do anything without God's help, and spend the most time with their 'Head Coach". 

So I've shown what makes a Christian kids musical good and what makes it bad. To sum it up, the ones that are good are the ones that treat the chosen topic with respect, have a good story and characters, and make make sure the songs fit. The ones that suck are ones that have little to no story (or turn it boring), lame characters, and are both preachy and disrespectful of the chosen topic. Sermon of the Mound will always be better than Promise U. Although you could just do what Sister Wynona Carr did and just make one song about it.

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 *I don't know if that is a reference to either Jackie Robinson or J.K. Rowling. 

**Something I myself have only come to understand within the past decade.

Saturday, December 28, 2019

TMSR: Rewriting THE MAGIC FLUTE







The Magic Flute may be one of Mozart's greatest operas, but it is riddled with so many plot holes that it's hard to understand. The Masonic elements compound the problem even further. Seriously, how are we supposed to find something if we have no idea what it is we're looking for?

There is a lot of information that is not present. Why does Tamino immediately believe the guard's word that the Queen of the Night is a liar? This one can be solved rather easily. During the opening scene when Tamino is attacked, Sarastro can secretly be the one who kills the serpent while the Ladies think it is them. While the women are distracted by the handsome prince, Sarastro takes the monster's ears. Later at the Temple, the guard shows him the serpent's ears, proving that the Queen has not told the truth. Otherwise Tamino comes off as an easily led moron.

Sarastro needs to be more than just some blandly benevolent nonentity who hardly does anything.I talked before about a graphic novel version that suggested that Sarastro stole Pamina because he neglected the Queen and didn't want his daughter to suffer because his mistake. So what if this is a divorce situation being fueled by a lack of communication? What if Pamina is caught in the middle of their quarrel? What if the Queen wants to kill Sarastro because he has broken her heart? 
       There is also the business with Monostatos. Sarastro really needs to do more than just give the creep fifty lashes for attacking Pamina. Monostaos needs to be sent away completely or even executed. Is Sarastro loathe to take another person's life, even when his own or someone else's is in danger? Or is he just too soft-hearted?  

If Mozart hadn't thrown in all that Masonic mysticism and ritual I think the story would be perfect. I can only take so much of the constant utterances of "Oh, we can't tell you yet," and "You're not good enough yet," before I want to punch Sarastro or one of the priests. Sarastro needs to be clear on what needs to be done from the get go.

There are many different ways to fix the story. These are just a few.






Monday, December 23, 2019

HOME ALONE: The Classic Christmas Farce

And Now For Something Totally Different.

Home Alone is a film that I was not expecting I would enjoy. I've seen clips before of the two villains getting their butts handed to them on a silver platter, but I never saw the whole thing.
     The story centers around eight-year-old Kevin McCallister who gets left behind by mistake when his family leaves on a Christmas vacation to France. While his mother frantically tries to get plane home, Kevin faces off against two thieves, Harry and Marv, who are trying to burglarize the McCallister house. The result is some of the most iconic mayhem in cinema history.     
The only real beef I have with it is at the very beginning when the whole family is treating Kevin like dirt; older brother Buzz in particular was completely unlikable. But this is easily overlooked once Kevin realizes he misses his absent family. To paraphrase Spike Jones, people always hurt the ones they care about. Kevin learns this lesson when he meets his misunderstood older neighbor in a church on Christmas Eve.

Kevin himself is a lot of fun to watch. His adventures are every child's wish-fulfillment fantasies about what it's like to have adult responsibilities and to defend yourself from people who want to hurt you. We feel his frustration with his family and his pain when he realizes how much he misses them. And we're cheering him on the whole time as he takes on Harry and Marv.

The best part of the movie, though, is of course Harry and Marv, known as The Wet Bandits for their habit of leaving the water running in the houses they rob. They are delightfully cocky and overconfident, like two live action versions of Wile E. Coyote from Looney Toons. And just like the cartoon canine, they get their fannies kicked at every turn, except with someone else's traps and not their own. 

And of course I cannot forget the score. John Williams' music for Home Alone may not be as easily recognizable as the music for Star Wars, Indiana Jones, E.T., Harry Potter, Superman, or Jaws, but it is nonetheless beautiful. I would almost call it underrated. Somewhere in My Memory is a magnificent tribute to what the family ought to be. It is a song full of longing, passion, and love. It is also the fourth song I know of that Maestro Williams has written for film.  

On a scale of 1 to 10, I give it a 12. See it.

Friday, December 13, 2019

TMSR: YOU KNOW NOTHING, VAL DICTORIAN!

I am going to rant now about a musical that I was in when I was eleven-years-old. Most people will not have heard about this one because it is written for kids who are either in home-school groups or big church groups.

This musical was written by Kathie Hill and is titled Promise U. Ms. Hill's work tends to be okay at best (at least from my own experience), and at worst it is simply glurge. And Promise U falls hard into that second category. What a piece of drek! There are five reasons why I say this:

1) The plot does not exist.
    The setting is at a college called Promise University and the whole student body has gathered for a pep rally/study hall Cram n Jam. They are learning about "Precious Promises to Famous Followers of the Past 2,000 Years" or P2F2P2K. Leading the group is the cocky DJ Stan "The Man" and a sexy nerd of a cheer captain Valarie Dictorian. They go through seven so-called Famous Followers, do a cheer after every song and it all culminates in Stan becoming a Christian with everything all hunk-dory at the end. 
    That's it, there's no conflict or anything. All it is is just talking about various people from history and a promise that applies to them. There's no beginning, no middle, and no real end either.

2) The characters are shallow.
     They are little more than cartoony mouthpieces uttering platitudes in stained glass attitudes. A new character comes in every time another "Famous Follower" (oh, give me a break!) is introduced. These characters are not really given a personality so much as they are given a quirk, and these quirks get old really fast. For example, Dee Caffeinate's only trait is her coffee obsession, and Val Dictorian comes off as a condescending know-nothing-know-it-all. 

3) The evangelism is all too easy. 
    Stan admits he's in over his head at the end, but it comes out of nowhere and doesn't feel real. All he has seen and heard was what everyone else was chanting. His character is so flat that I do not believe his life has been changed after accepted Christ. No one talks about dying to yourself and giving up whatever idols are in your life, something that is essential to the Christian life.

4) THE Promise is left out.
    The "Precious Promises" are true, but no mention is made at all of the promise that was made in Genesis Chapter 3 and continues through the end of Revelation; the promise of Christ's sacrifice and resurrection and the hope of eternal life with Him in Heaven. The promises are reduced to cutesy sentimentalism that do not require sacrifice of anything. This is a big "No" when writing Christian pieces. 

5) The Followers were treated without respect.
     If you're going to do a case-study of various Christians throughout history, then the topic needs to be treated seriously. This is not the case in Promise U, instead the Followers are treated with more sentimentality than respect. This is particularly bad with the case of Pocahontas. I'm not going to knock her faith just because it sounded it like the writer was merely speculating. But if she was in fact a strong woman of faith, then she needs more respect than just the Christian version of a Disney Princess!

 In short, Promise U was garbage. It is disrespectful towards Christians of the past, is insulting to kids' intelligence, and it had nothing to offer but preachy nonsense. 

Met Broadcasts

The Met Radio Season started last weekend but I didn't turn it on as it was Akhenaten Phillip Glass, and I like Glass' music about a much as I like the news Star Wars movies (i.e. not at all). So I will turn it on tomorrow, they'll be broadcasting The Queen of Spades, which I like. 

I have not been able to enjoy them as much as I used to because my two jobs require that I be at work on Saturdays. But I still love them a lot, just not when they play operas that I hate.