Sennacherib Survivor

 We were unstoppable, we’d beaten the other nations like it was nothing. Oh, how we’d taunt them and their gods. That was our best weapon, making them feel like their gods had abandoned them. And we proved it too, we left nothing behind that wasn’t nailed down.

But then we got to Jerusalem. As usual King Sennacherib sent his best officers to taunt the Israelites and their God. It was a good taunt too, and it was effective before, so surely it would work now, right? You’d think. 

Apparently someone didn’t tell us that we were dealing with a very different God. He did not take too kindly to all the insults we threw at Him. I still don’t know what the @#$% happened, but I woke up the next morning to find my whole squad dead, along with at least several thousand other guys who just sort of died for no good reason. There was no choice but to bust out of there with what remained of our army. 

The Frog

There once was an angry young frog,

Whose rival had taken his log.

So he took a large stick

That was five inches thick,

And whacked his foe into the bog.

Drunken Dieties

A little something inspired by the story of the Ten Plagues.

UPDATE: Edited on 4/18.

(The Scene: A bar.  The Barkeep, an old man, stands behind the bar center left, the Bouncer stands stage right at the entrance. Several strange patrons sit at the tables. Ra, the Egyptian sun god, sits sullenly at the bar, his burnt-out sun and cobra hat half-off his head.)

RA: BARKEEP! ANOTHER ROUND!

BARKEEP: Mr. Ra, that’s your eighth one tonight!

RA: Just give me another one! And where is Horus?

(Barkeep pours a drink, Ra takes a sip and begins to yell.)

BARKEEP: Don’t ask me where Horus is, sir. I don’t know.

RA: I wasn’t asking you.

BARKEEP: Either way, I don’t know.

(Sekhmet, lion-headed goddess of destruction, walks in trying to look inconspicuous)

       

RA: Lion Face, where’s Horus?

(Sekhmet ignores him and sits down at the far end, much to Ra’s annoyance, who takes a sip from his drink.)

SEKHMET: Barkeep, Scotch-on-the-Rocks, will you?

BARKEEP: Yes, ma’am.

(Barkeep gives Sekhmet the drink, she takes a sip.)

RA: Lion Face, have you seen Horus?

SEKHMET: Screw off!

RA: You dare speak to me like that?

BARKEEP: Mr. Ra, don’t bother.

RA: Why not?

BARKEEP: It’s not worth it.

RA: Lion Face, I said, where is Horus? He’s not at his post.

SEKHMET: Don’t call me Lion Face, Beaky Boy!

RA: What!?!?

(Ra’s sun disk hat falls off his head and crashes to the ground. The cobra freaks out and makes a fast exit. Barkeep is startled.)

BARKEEP: Somebody kill that thing! Quick!

BOUNCER: Yes sir!

RA: No! What are you doing? That snake is my protector!

(Bouncer crushes the cobra under his boot.)

BOUNCER: Some protector! Slithering off like the snake he is.

RA: You moron!

BARKEEP: Mr. Ra, that’s enough.

(Ra sits down and takes another swig of whiskey.)

RA: Lion Face, why won’t you tell me where Horus is? I need to talk to him, he’s not at his post.

SEKHMET: I’ve been helping Imhotep treat Set’s injuries for months already, stupid hail.

RA: Where is Horus? I need to know.

SEKHMET: Go find him yourself!

RA: Don’t ever speak to me like that!

SEKHMET: Don’t you call me Lion Face.

(Ra gets up from his seat and walks over to Sekhmet.)

RA: Listen, if you tell me where Horus is, I’ll let you off the hook for being out of control all year.

(Sekhmet downs another swig of her drink.) 

SEKHMET: Alright, fine. He’s filling in for Osiris.

RA: He’s WHAAAAAT!?!?!

SEKHMET: You’d get a migraine too if you had to judge so many firstborn souls. Isis is spending all her time taking care of him. Anubis has his hands full dealing with natron shortages and embalmer strikes, and most of the other gods are tied up with their own problems at present. Hell, Nut had to fill in for Hapi yesterday because Hapi was still a bloody mess!

RA: OH, THOSE INCOMPETENT DOGS! WHAT THE HELL IS THE PANTHEON COMING TO?!!

SEKHMET: Oh, and Ammut stopped eating.

RA: AAAAAUUGHH! YOU LAZY BUNCH OF….!!!!!

BARKEEP: Bouncer, get Mr. Ra out of here, please!

BOUNCER: Right! (Marches up to Ra and grabs him by the arm) Come on, you! Let’s go!

RA: What?! What are you doing? You can’t do this to me! I’m the king of the gods!

BOUNCER: “King of the gods.” Yeah, right! Tell that to Him! Now get outta here!

(Ra is dragged to the door where he is ejected by the swift application of a hard boot to the rear.)

Der Holle Rache

 

So, after nearly a decade of being online, here at last is a performance by Yours Truly. This video was taken by my boyfriend yesterday at his Halloween party.  

                     Translation:

                      Hell's vengeance boils within my heart.

                     Death and despair flame around me.

                     If through you, Sarastro does not feel the pain of death                 

                    You shall be my daughter no more.

                     Disowned be forever,

                     Forsaken be forever,

                     Destroyed be forever,

                     By all bonds of Nature,

                     If through you Sarastro does not become pale.

                     Hear, gods of revenge! Hear a mother's oath!

Ba'al

  He’d heard them calling on him all day. He’d heard them lashing themselves and leaping on the stones of the altar. The sacrifice was attracting daring flies, and the people were getting bored.

He turned over in bed. If that...woman had been more efficient, there wouldn’t be this problem. But she couldn’t get one measly prophet. The same prophet who’d called down a drought for three years. And was now taunting the priests for their inability to call down fire from Heaven.

“Let them yell all they want,” he said to himself, “I’ve had it with that bunch.” 

TURANDOT Online Encore

 

This was the encore me and my boyfriend tried to go see back in 2016, but we couldn't make it. So we watched it on the night of Thursday the 13th.

Turandot centers around a Chinese princess who will only marry the man who answers her three riddles; if he can't, he'll lose his noggin. An unkown prince, Calaf by name, comes along and solves the riddles and thus wins the right to marry Turandot, but she is still resistant. Well, then the prince gives her a riddle: see if she can guess his name before dawn. The whole populace is kept awake on pain of death, but the loyal slave girl Liu sacrifices herself to bring about Turandot's redemption.

This opera is one of my favorites, and it's not hard to see why. The music is some of Puccini's best and it has some of the best moments in opera ever. The ending feels a bit rushed, but that was due to Puccini dying before he finished the opera. Nonetheless, it has remained a mainstay of the operatic repertoire; the famous Riddle Scene and Calaf's aria "Nessun Dorma" being the most popular moments in the whole opera. I myself have sung the slave girl Liu's final aria "Tu Che di Gel Sei Cinta" in recital back in 2015 (too bad I didn't get a decent enough video). 

And this production is awesome. Franco Zefarelli wanted a Chinese opera style for the production, and it works. The dancers, supernumeraries, the makeup for Turandot, it's all super awesome. My only beef is why is the Emperor not the one wearing the veil of stars while his attendants do? Small quibble of course, but still.

I think the Met will have a hard time finding a replacement production. This one is so iconic for the company that a new production will need to be especially notable.

Trying To Write

 Well, I've gone and let this blog lie fallow for two months. This is not good. 

I've hit quite a snag as if I write about one opera, it feels repetitive to write about another production of it. It does not help that the Chinese Communist Flu has made going to the opera more difficult. The nightly streams got boring after a while. But I am still upset with myself for forgoing a favorite opera in favor of a favorite singer. So, I will watch Turandot  on Thursday the 13th.

Me and my boyfriend are currently working on a novel called The Heart of a Monster. It is a  retelling of Beauty and the Beast. One thing we are trying is a Character Board, one where we make a visual guide as to the character's development and quirks. It is proving much more helpful than I ever thought possible. For example, if I put a picture of a garden next to the picture of Bella, then it helps me visualize her love of gardening. It is also an image of fertility.

We are also writing with my brother's help a skit series called The Apartment. These are short skits about roommates Randy and Paolo, and Randy's girlfriend Louise, and how they handle the crazy issues that come their way (losing jobs, crazy relatives, etc.). It's supposed to be something we can do even on a budget. 

We'll see how these turn out.