Last year I made a list of the pros and cons of the Medieval Times Dinner and Tournament just outside of Chicago. I went there for the second time on Sunday and here is what I have to say on it.
The tournament itself is a lot of fun. I am a sucker for horse shows and unfortunately I do not go to them as much as I would like. You have a group of six guys in roles of knights performing all sorts of crazy stunts on horseback, and then later duking it out on foot. Now it's scripted in advance which knight is going to win because you're dealing with an animal that weighs two tons and has hooves that can break your skull. Having ridden horses myself, I know precisely how dangerous working with these animals can be (I was bitten by the same horse twice). I really have to admire the skill and nerve that these guys have, I mean I could never pull off a spear throw on horseback! But these knights can nail it with seemingly no effort whatsoever.
Also, the guys playing the knights would've needed at least two decades of training in order to do the sorts of stunts they perform in the tournament. I'm guessing that the men cannot be any younger than twenty eight nor any older than thirty seven. And then the knights have to fight in hand-to-hand combat, so this is certainly not something for your average 10-year-old in 4-H. But it is something worth seeing.
Medieval Times has a fixed menu of tomato soup, Texas Toast, half a roast chicken, corn-on-the-cob, baked potatoes, and whatever the dessert of the day is. The food is good, although it is a little inauthentic. Potatoes, tomatoes, and corn did not come to Europe until the rediscovery of America at the end of the 15th Century. But then again you'd be hard pressed to get the average 21th Century American to try things like Roseye* and Roast Fowl in Cameline Sauce, so a bit of a tough break there. Texas Toast is also not quite authentic, but it could also be a reference to the bread trenchers common to that time period. The size of the chicken is much more manageable than last time although I still couldn't finish it. There is a minor bit of authenticity as there is no silverware, so you have to eat with your hands.
I still have a few complaints, in particular the noise and the paper crowns. The announcer's loud shouting makes it hard for me to hear myself and gives me sensory overload within the span of a few minutes. Thankfully I had earplugs this time so the noise was relatively tolerable. Still, I was so startled when the announcer abruptly said that there would be a "knighting ceremony" that I made a dash for the other side of the building.
And I still don't like the paper crowns. The color of the crowns correspond to whichever knight you will be rooting for (Red, Black and White, Yellow, Blue, Red and Yellow, or Green). I'm not worried about whether or not the crown matches my clothes; if I'm given enough notice I can find an outfit that will match it. But I personally feel that paper crowns are more appropriate for children than adults. I felt very uncomfortable wearing the crown because of this.
The fair outside the dining area/arena is so-so. I love shopping and buying souvenirs, but unfortunately most of the stuff being sold tends to be either thirty-dollar knick knacks that I have no place to put, expensive-yet-obligatory T-Shirts, shot glasses that no one ever really uses, or stuff aimed at children under the age of ten. That's not to say I can't find something I like. Snow-globes are fun every now and then. Last year the shopping stalls were selling peacock feather fans (a perfect addition to my diva outfit). And there is always some kind of jewelry that I can get for my sister.
And then there is a booth for getting swords and daggers. This is the most expensive souvenir anyone can get and you would outright have to plan months in advance to get one of these. And you also have to have a place to put such a thing. Considering that these are weapons we're talking about, it is certainly an adults-only booth. Not that I'm complaining or anything, if I had some place in my house to put one of those swords or daggers, I'd get one. I remember when I was thirteen I wanted a replica of Legolas' longbow from the film adaptation of J.R.R. Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings novels. I just want to be able to get one of those swords without busting my bank.
Other things worth noting are as follows:
1. There is a falconer who lets a Peregrine Falcon fly over the heads of the audience. This is something that would appeal to my ornithology-loving older brother.
2. The king character looks like he could be either Ar-Pharazôn from Tolkien's The Silmarillion or else Denethor. While not necessarily bad, I still can't help noting the similarity in appearance.
3. You get called either "my lord" if you're a man or "my lady" if you're a woman. This can either be cute, amusing, or irritating depending on your perspective. I personally found it annoying.
4. There is a story in the tournament involving the herald of a northern king. This particular rider looks like the offspring of an Uruk and an Easterling and is about as scrupulous.
5. The knights' colors are all based off of real-life heraldry symbols. For example, the Blue Knight gets his colors from the Fench Fleur de Lis. The Red and Yellow Knight is inspired by old Germanic symbols. And the Red Knight is modeled off of what appears to be a combination of the heraldry symbols of Castilla and León.
On a scale of 1 to 10, I'm giving Medieval Times Dinner and Tournament a 7. The tournament is the best part on account of being a superbly executed display of agility and guts. And the food is good even if it is on the inauthentic side. But the noise levels are way too overpowering for my liking and require earplugs in order to be tolerable. And I still find the paper crowns very kiddish. The fair is okay depending on what you're looking for, although I still have a difficult time finding something that I like amidst the collectables and kids' toys. The place is still fun, but it's not going to be on my own personal destinations list. Although if my boyfriend asks me to come with him again, then I'll do so.
Oh, and for anyone reading this who was at the 4:30 performance on Sunday, June 4th, if you heard some weirdo shouting "Fredericksburg!" and "Chickamauga!", that was me. Don't ask me why I did that.
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*Fried Fish with Roses and Almonds. You can find the recipe in the cookbook Fabulous Feasts: Medieval Cookery and Ceremony.
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